never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
