I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
