I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
