New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Couch. On fire.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
