I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
