This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
