Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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