Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
