go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
