you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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