Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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