Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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