Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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