You're earring is so big in my mouth
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
