yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
