I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
