so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
