she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
