The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
