The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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