Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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