Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
