hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ketchup is God's man juice
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
