You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
