Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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