You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
operation harelip BJ is a go
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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