she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
