I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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