apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
