I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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