I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
