He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
