how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
