if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
