reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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