I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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