3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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