people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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