i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
