I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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