My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
