His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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