ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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