every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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