Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
