I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize