I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
