i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
