I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
