Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize