I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
