Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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