dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize