My liver just broke up with me...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
