i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
