Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize