Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
