We won't sleep together?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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