"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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