I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
