.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
