i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
