Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
