Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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