I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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