I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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