I bet he comes in French.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
