i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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